Apprehension

Well, I made it through the weeks where I was on 2 gm of Rocephin daily and just finished my first pulse of Rocephin. A pulse consists of 2 gm twice daily for four consecutive days. I continue to have my rash despite running each dose in over two hours. I am certainly more tired and some of my old sensory changes are back/worse. My muscle weakness has progressed and my pain level is up. I dreaded having to deal with these problems and that's why I was apprehensive about moving forward with my treatment regimen. Yet, before starting antibiotics my Lyme infection was relentlessly depriving me of the very qualities that defined me so I knew, in almost an instinctual way, that I needed to press onward. My periods of confusion have significantly cleared and so have the episodes of diarrhea. I remind myself of these positive responses to the antibiotic and counsel patience when I grow frustrated with the slow pace of my recovery.
Physicians often note when patients appear apprehensive and at times we use apprehension as a diagnostic tool. Orthopedists know that people with recurrent shoulder dislocations will often look apprehensive when their arm is positioned in a manner similar to what caused the dislocation. Victims of various forms of abuse will become apprehensive when the examiner inquires about topics related to their trauma and that appearance can speak of their pain long before they can tell us about it. We note it in ourselves,too. It's present in the sweaty palms we experience when the fetal heart rate is too low and in our pressured speech when we're discussing a vexing case with a consultant who is 45 minutes away. It's the extra time we take before entering a room to reveal bad news to a patient.
Apprehension is a flashing warning light. It doesn't require us to stop in our tracks but does advise us to proceed with caution. I am moving ahead and hoping that the road isn't washed out.